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Too Old For This
Samantha Downing
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“Equal parts hilarious and disturbing, Too Old for This kept me glued to the pages from beginning to end!”
—#1 New York Times bestselling author Freida McFadden

A retired serial killer’s quiet life is upended by an unexpected visitor. To protect her secret, there’s only one option left—what’s another murder? From bestselling author Samantha Downing.

Lottie Jones thought her crimes were behind her.

Decades earlier, she changed her identity and tucked herself away in a small town. Her most exciting nights are the weekly bingo games at the local church and gossiping with her friends.

When investigative journalist Plum Dixon shows up on her doorstep asking questions about Lottie’s past and specifically her involvement with numerous unsolved cases, well, Lottie just can’t have that.

But getting away with murder is hard enough when you’re young. And when Lottie receives another annoying knock on the door, she realizes this crime might just be the death of her…


This was a fun read. I read some reviews on Goodreads and learned to go at this book with a “it’s a lighthearted thing”, and so it was.

Many of the “killings” felt impossible for a 70+ old lady, the clean up as well. I was slightly ticked off when Norma attacked her and she could have used that incident to just settle everything perfectly (self-defense or such), but of course, it’s more theatrical with the way the book actually went.

Although I’m just past 40, I’ve been working for over 20 years, and I can empathetically feel her. There are very many instances that I think “I’m too old for this sh*t”, and Lottie has been thinking that many a few times too.

It’s a fun read where you’re questioning yourself just why are you rooting for the serial killer. But hey, everything was done out of a mother’s love.

The algorithms on my youtube has somehow meandered off true crimes and it's been pushing Chinese paranormal videos for me recently. Not actual paranormal videos, but videos of talks and recountings of paranormal stuff and hauntings. I probably won't be able to use exact terms or words, as I have absolutely no idea how some of these words translate to English, but, I'm not like super into that, so I won't go too deep about it.

I never really had a "third eye" (able to see ghosts and spirits) and I'm hardly sensitive to "hauntings". Sure, I'd get spooked if it's dark. As the joke goes, if you feel lonely on valentine's day, dim the lights and watch some horror movies, you'll soon feel as if you're not alone. LOL. Yeah, I get spooked too, though I try to be rational about stuff.

Have I ever talked about that one time when I went on my university graduation trip to Malaysia and "suffered" a "haunting"? (Rational term: Sleep Paralysis) It was the last night of our trip, it was a hotel in Kuala Lumpur. It was the last night and I had run out of the Malaysian money, so when my friend and hotel roomate J went out with other classmates for some local night market, I figured I'd just stay in and pack my bag. I was totally ok during the alone time, though, bored. Didn't feel spooked at the time.

Later, J returned, and she had to pack up. Since I had already got all that settled, I went ahead and went to bed.

In the middle of the night, I was awaken by some noise. I was sleeping on my side, facing the empty area to the room (whereas J was on her side of the bed that's just by the wall). I heard some old woman talking or yabbering gibberish. It was some kind of Chinese dialect, I think, and over and over again the granny was repeating the same thing. I was spooked, and didn't open my eyes, but I couldn't move. The noise got so loud, like waves rushing in my ears. Still granny was repeating the same thing over and over again.

I don't know how much time passed, just that eventually I was able to move, so I turned around so that my back was towards the empty area to the room. I then heard my friend sigh "ugh... so hot...." I didn't really care since I was still trying to calm down from the scare, and eventually fell asleep.

When I woke up in the morning, J was still sleeping, so I got up to pack away my pyjamas. It was feeling a little warm and stuffy indeed, so I went to adjust the A/C, only to find out the card wasn't in the slot to activate electricity to the room. When J woke up, I asked her if she took the card out, and she said "yeah, she couldn't switch off all the lights when she went to bed, so she pulled off the card. BUT OF COURSE IT WAS HOT. But she said she slept through the night and didn't say anything.

I guess... grandma was was trying to tell me it's stuffy and hot? Then used my friend to say that?? Absolutely no idea.

Actually, before this incident, in a hotel room in Genting, my classmates were trying to teach me a playing cards game. A folded paper flyer that was standing on the TV (big ass thick ones from before) suddenly flew off the TV. No one had opened any doors/windows/walked past. I saw the paper flyer fly off. J saw shadow swipe past the window when the paper flew off. Everyone else didn't notice anything.

This is my sleep paralysis experience. Was I being haunted? Dunno.

Anyway, these paranormal and horror talk shows made me think about a weird dream I recall having had twice.

It was a dream about being able to fly. I'm standing on the street just next to my apartment building, and had the idea that I would run a few steps, and just at the corner as I turned I could jump/skip three times and then I would fly. I know I dreamt this dream twice.

I always thought this was just a dream. Once in a while I would think back about this dream too.

But all these talk shows and people explaining their experiences, made me think, if what I had was actually an OBE experience. Because I remember around the time that I had that dream, I would (when not in a dream) walk by that dream and suddenly thinking seriously that "if I skip thrice I'll fly" despite also knowing for a fact it's impossible. I also remember feeling in my head a bit like the g-force or whatever the correct word of just when... like when the plane is landing you sort of feel you are floating but being pulled down? I don't know how to explain.

In these talks that's in Cantonese, the way they explain it is that the "soul is leaving the physical body" so it was something like my soul or my... mind's being was trying to float away but my mind got pulled back or was anchored to my body. I don't know. It felt like that. And every once in a while I would think about this dream, but I've never felt this "leaving the body" feeling anymore since that last time.